So I just got done cleaning my car out, and putting my room back together, and organizing my stuff for school. It’s been a busy day. A day full of banal chores; a great many derivations away from my usual “crash through life” approach. You see, I’m a slob. Any number of relatives, ex boyfriends, and current friends can attest to what I have always brushed off as charming character flaw. Now (sweaty and smelling strongly of Pledge and car wipes) I am startled to realize I feel so much better.
I don’t subscribe to the belief that my priority on this Earth is to be an outstanding housewife. Nor do I believe that just because someone can immediately find their social security card and I would have to open any number of boxes, drawers, folders, books, and LORD knows what else to find mine, that I am inferior. However, the steadiness with which I can sit here and type this post, and know PRECISELY where my tire gauge is in my car now, is something to note.
WHY DOES CLEAN FEEL SO GOOD?
That’s where the title of this post comes into play. The saying “Cleanliness is next to godliness” is actually a reworking of a writing by a fellow named Rabbi Phinehas ben Yair who contributed his wisdom to the Talmud. His quote is
“The doctrines of religion are resolved into carefulness; carefulness into vigorousness; vigorousness into guiltlessness; guiltlessness into abstemiousness; abstemiousness into cleanliness; cleanliness into godliness.”
You can see why it’s been shortened to just the last little bit over the years (what a mouthful). The general sentiment can be understood by hacking off the first 5 rungs of that liturgical ladder. Be clean, be closer to the LORD.*
In truth, being clean has always been a struggle for me. My spaces are messy. I never have the neatest hair. I don’t attend to my nails regularly. I don’t eat clean, drink clean, or speak clean. I am a messy person. It’s human and approachable. People are not intimidated by me because I am very upfront with my disorganization. I have always left a little sludgy trail in my wake, and my car is no different. Its contents (not including the trunk) read as follows:
Fast food boxes, candy wrappers, 16 bobby pins, every book I’m kinda reading right now (5 to be exact), 4 doctors reminders, 6 receipts, 17 pens, 13 earrings, a Jacob’s ladder, a beanie baby, 3 empty cigarette boxes, 3 pairs of shoes, 1 swimsuit, 2 towels, 2 spoons, 1 fork, a handful of feed (like for animals), 2 parking deck tickets, 1.5 frisbees, 5 socks, and $2.67.
This was all in MY CAR. I don’t have kids, so really the reason for some of this stuff being in my car is beyond me. I’ve lived like this forever, but today it got to me. I took a friend to the airport and was drowning in embarrassment because my car was a representation of me. If you looked at my car, I would be telling you that I am an overweight smoker who occasionally lives out of her car with her either real or imaginary dog (the dog hair would allude to real). What scared me the most is that I realized this is not far off. Of course I am much more, than all of that. I am a nursing student, a committed Jew, a friend of many, a huge Harry Potter nerd. But none of that was represented in my car. Instead, my vices were glaring at me in the face. My TRASH.
By throwing away the cigarette boxes, I am not ridding myself of addiction, by getting rid of fast food wrappers I am not losing 30 pounds. However, by seeing all of them and deliberately moving them out of my car, I feel a little more in control of moving them out of my life. I sometimes wonder if the people on Hoarders: Burried Alive (that horrible exhibitionist reality show on TLC) understand how profound they are in what they are doing. By never throwing anything away, they are unabashedly living amongst their sins, victories, failures, and shortcomings.
If I lived the way I wish I lived, then what would be accumulating in my car?
*This is the detailed look at the full quote. It’s a tangent worth going on, but it’s aside from the main point of my post. Right? Well, sort of.
I think the concept in it’s entirety is important to consider. After all, the leap from carefulness to godliness is a big one. Rabbi Phinehas ben Yair has given us stepping stones to work our way to godliness.
CAREFULNESS
VIGOROUSNESS
GUILTLESSNESS
ABSTEMIOUSNESS
CLEANLINESS
GODLINESS
Taken one by one, each of these qualities presents certain challenges. If you skip straight to cleanliness, then you may be missing something. None of these adjectives are ones that I would use to describe myself. Perhaps as a studier I would consider myself vigorous. Otherwise, these seem like cold and unfeeling qualities to strive for in order to achieve alleged godliness. Especially when you consider the fact that Rabbi Phinehas ben Yair was probably referring to the laws of kosher or field tending, this concept seems un-relatable.
Taking another step back though, I remember that my duty and responsibility as a Jew, is to rebuild the world. Jews are the glorified mess cleaners on this Earth. The LORD brought us into a covenant in order for us to continue the LORD’s work. The world has so many messes: poverty, homelessness, discrimination, inequality, and disease. These are big messes and their cleaning will require more than one of us acting alone. We must come together, over generations and generations, and help to restore the LORD’s handiwork through love.
So what does cleaning my car have to do with any of this?
Maybe that little grain of satisfaction, pride, and peace that has overcome me since cleaning up my life, just a little bit has reminded me that I am capable of cleaning much bigger messes. As satisfying as it is wipe away dust from weeks of living in a space, imagine how satisfying it will be to correct some of the other messes in our world? Just as I was allowed to throw away old nasty cigarette boxes and remove the evidence of my disease-causing habit, maybe it’s OK to throw away some of the garbage-esque grudges I’ve been caring around allow someone to surprise me with kindness. I’m not saying that the car wont get dirty again, or that I wont keep making messes everywhere I go, or that I’ll even quit smoking (though we can only hope). What I’m saying is that every time I clean up a little bit, I give myself a second chance to do better and I remind myself that I am capable of cleaning up a lot more than old receipts. Cleaning is what I was put on this earth to do. NOT because I’m a woman, but because I am a Jew, and the LORD has trusted me to find my way up the ladder from carefulness to cleanliness one step at a time.
And You Shall Love 