Shabbat Shalom! As always, I am so grateful to be enjoying another Shabbat! I’ve written the beginnings of 3 different posts for tonight. One on the portion and feminism, one that was my retelling of Genesis (I hope I’ll finish that one sometime, it’s pretty cool!), and then this one, about blessings.
What I’ve been grappling with this week and with this weeks Torah portion, is the concept of gifts. Creation was a gift. Direct from God to us. Eve and Adam were gifts to each other, the serpent’s gift was the apple, Eve’s gift was her persuasion. Yes, I understand that I am saying that what some people consider “the fall of man” is actually a gift. I credit this realization to an incredible women’s Torah commentary The Five Books of Miriam by Ellen Frankel. Through the voice of Eve she answers the question “Is the price Eve pays for her knowledge…equivalent to the rewards?”
THE RABBIS ANSWER: Obviously, it is. Consider the alternatives.
EVE THE MOTHER OF LIFE ANSWERS: Indeed, I wish I had been able to! But once I left the Garden, I learned that curses, like blessings, are mixed, tempered by chance and faith. They key is to recognize which is which and act accordingly.
Hm, so both blessing and curse are a mixed bag? How about that. No matter what, when something good or bad happens, there is a little bit of the opposite that goes with it. Here is my nursing-school-is-my-life-school example:
So, coming up to the test I took today, I was on the verge of exempting the final. That came WAY out of left field. I never thought I’d be on the verge of exempting the final in this class. It is a HARD class. So, upon finding out my last test grade, I went from being incredibly happy with it, to incredibly burdened by this new pressure. If I could exempt this final then I should exempt this final. When I got my grade on this last test and didn’t exempt (by .67, may I add), it took a second for me to appreciate how good my grade was, because it was clouded by disappointment over not exempting the final .
Why didn’t I exempt? Because I had a girls night at the movies. I had a sushi date with a dear friend. I played with my dog until her tongue was dragging on the ground. I laughed and laughed and laughed with my friends. I kissed a boy. I won a scholarship. I held a hand in need. I called my Grandmother. I spent quality time with my mom.
In other words, what I gained by living my life the way I have in the past two weeks (by not studying 24/7), was so much more than I lost, (.67 on an exam, big woop!). Yea, exempting a final is sexy and cool, but in a year, I will not be bragging about exempting a final. I will be cherishing these friendships I’ve made and maintained. I’ll still be a nurse. I’ll still get into grad school one day. It’s true that I was disappointed that I didn’t exempt, but I have learned that God (in its infiniteness) is smarter than I am, so I have to trust that I am here for a reason.
It is a blessing. It was a blessing that I was drowning in camaraderie after the test today, when a huge group of us got together and drank beers and celebrated our achievements. It was a blessing that we were able to support, high five, laugh, and congratulate each other. There was no competition. There was no shouting at each other. It was just love and respect. I would rather sit at a table of love, respect, and a final exam looming in the future than at a table alone with a 92 on a test.
It’s my job to look at things I may consider curses and find the blessing in them. It’s there.
And You Shall Love 