Recite them when you stay at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise up […] inscribe them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. — Deuteronomy 6:7-9
Jews talk a lot about gates, doors, and windows. We seem to perseverate on the concept of motion. Leaving and coming. It makes sense when you consider our history. We are a people on the move. Never able to stay in one place for a long period of time, we are accustomed to travel. We treasure the home, placing our mezzuzahs on our doorposts, blessing our homes and those who dwell there. It’s not a matter of taking for granted where we are, it’s about recognizing that we are on the move. Staying in one place is neither possible nor practical. All of our self-work would be a waste if we could not share it with the world. We have to leave our homes, open our doors, open our gates, and great the world.
It’s nerve wrecking, leaving the comfort and safety of our home. We claim ownership over our homes. We have say (for the most part) over who is allowed in, what happens inside of it, and what it looks like. We have control over our literal real estate, and it’s why we’re so protective over it. With this commandment from Deuteronomy (a section that this blog is named after), we are reminded that our real estate does not end with our literal doors, windows, and gates. We guard ourselves while on the move with our faith and belief. Our narrative and teachings are analogous gates, windows, and doors. Through the wisdom of our ancestors, we can again purposefully interact with the world around us.
For example, when coming across an unpleasant person, we might decide to keep all of our defenses up, protecting our hearts and souls. Judaism would teach us to let down some of our defenses. We see this week in the Parsha, that Abraham opens his tent to the 3 strangers that foretell of Sarah’s pregnancy. Kabbalah teaches us that by this act of opening ourselves, we are actually opening the gates of our soul for HaShem to shine through.
Similarly the blessed Holy One is known and unknown,
for He is soul of soul, spirit of spirit,
hidden and concealed from all,
but through those gates, openings for the soul,
the blessed Holy One becomes known. —Zohar: Annotated and Explained, by Daniel C. Matt
Openings are important. We have to allow the world in and ourselves out. What is important is recognizing that it is happening and being purposeful in our openings and closings. I’m no therapist or preacher, but I spend a lot of time preaching to friends and family to clear off the real estate of their heart. I see time and again that we will fill our hearts with people who make us miserable. The unkind word or deed of one person can completely overwhelm the generosity from someone else. Why do we give in to jerks, with our gates, doors, and windows wide open while keeping our friends, loved ones, and supporters knocking at the back door?
Again, Judaism teaches us that we can’t blockade ourselves from these people. We can’t ignore them and hope that they go away. But we also can not give them our everything. Why can’t we ignore them? Because we must remember that
we were once strangers.
I would try to biblically cite that but it’s in like 5 different places in the Torah. Pick a book of the Torah (Exodus and beyond) and you’ll find it. We usually understand this phrase in the context of literal strangers, refraining from placing judgement on those we do not know. I would argue that you can take it further, that we were once strangers to the wholeness of God (divinity, unity, whatever word you’re comfortable with here). Every person you interact with is on their own journey with God, regardless of their belief system. Running into these unkind, terrible seeming people, should strengthen our gratitude that we have found a more compassionate way to live ours lives. This is what we can share with this people. People may not always come to our physical homes needing food and drink, but they may often cross our soul’s real estate, requiring the nourishment of kindness and patience.
Not everyone in your life requires the same amount of real estate. There are Gate, Window, and Door people. With wisdom and deliberateness, we can choose how deeply people can enter our soul’s real estate.
The Gate People
Colleagues, coworkers, people we bump into on the sidewalk all qualify as “gate people.” These people are welcomed onto the edge of your soul. Deal with them kindly. While you may open your doors and windows to give more, you can also close your doors and windows, and protect your soul. One day, they may earn entry into the door, but if they don’t, that’s OK too. The most important thing is that you forgive them if they leave your property, and are just as fast to let them back in…with caution, and only just past the gates.
The Window People
These are the people who move between the inside and outside of your life. Unfortunately, a lot of people have moved to this place in my life. With school taking up most of my time, my non-nursing friends have taken a backseat. Justly, they have opened the door for themselves and walked out. They remain in my windows. They peering their head in time-to-time. We check up on each other. They are allowed in anytime that I have my windows open, but it’s sadly infrequent.
The Door People
Your family, friends (true friends). These are the people that you let into your home even if they mess it up. Most of the time they will try to clean up after themselves. If after a while, they start ripping down the wallpaper and pawning your things, it’s time to kick them out. When I tell my friends to clear the real-estate of their heart. THIS is what I’m talking about. It’s not that you can’t interact with them at all, but they have to be kicked out of the sanctity of your home and relegated to the gates. True “Door People” are the kinds of people who bring just as much as they take. I think about this quote from Iyanla Vanzant’s book Yesterday I Cried,
As I lay in my Jacuzzi, watching my thousand-dollar dog poop on my carpet, I finally got it! Life is about cleaning up the crap and, while you’re doing it, being okay with the fact that you have to do it. […] Most of the time, it’s not even your stuff. It could be something that someone else dropped off in your life.
The thing is, when it’s someone you love and trust, you’re going to be okay cleaning up their crap because you know they’re also cleaning up yours. There is give and take. This is a healthy relationship. There will always be crap, but it’s about choosing those you allow in to mess it up.
Notice I’m not kicking out anyone. Everyone is allowed a little piece of my soul real estate. We’re all in this together. Each of you carry a divine spark inside of you, and who am I to shut that out? But the intimacy in which we connect ourselves, should be based on self care.
When we leave our physical fortresses, we bring with us the fortress of our ancestors. We are people on the move, and are glad to interact with the world. As long as we remember the long legacy of gates, windows, and doors that has been written about again and again in our text, we can safely continue the journey that inherently comes with being Jews.
And You Shall Love 