I have this friend who posts bible verses on sticky notes around her home. She writes the verses in dry-erase marker on her refrigerator and mirrors. Sometimes even on the panes of her windows. I’ve always found it curious. Today, looking back over the past few weeks, I guess I get it.
I haven’t felt very Jewish lately, and I guess that’s why I haven’t posted. The degree of self-involvment I’ve exhibited has been kind of astonishing. There have been miracles. Every. Single. Day. there have been miracles. I haven’t taken the time to really appreciate any of them. I have neglected to post the sticky-note reminders of my faith.
You see, I graduate from nursing school on Friday and with that comes job interviews, home searching, and studying for boards (or…the intention of studying for boards). What should be exciting and exhilarating has left me feeling a little dead inside. I feel more lost than ever before. I have had three interviews so far, all on floors I can only dream of working on. I have another next week. I feel like a poodle on parade and I am all paraded out. The last two years I have worked so hard. Not just for myself, but for the other students I’ve tutored or studied with, the patients I’ve cared for… and now I’m supposed to sum that 2 years (and really my entire life) up in a 30-45 minute interview. It’s exhausting…and I don’t know when I’ll hear back from them. “Mid-December” they say…
In all of the hub-bub surrounding graduation, I have forgotten the truth. The truth is that things will happen as they happen, and as a human being, my job is to find peace in it. I have done the work, the rest is up to God. Destiny. Fate. HaShem.
I am not a big fan of Hanukkah. That’s not right. I guess I mean to say I’ve never been moved by the message of Hanukkah. Today, that changed when I stumbled across this quote:
We have focused on the miracle-thing and I think we often overlook the message of Hanukkah. To me, the core of the holiday is the cleaning of the temple…. The accomplishment was in restoring the temple to the purpose for which it was built. Now think of the temple as a symbol. Perhaps it represents my life. The world has tried to use me for its own (perhaps good, but none-the-less extrinsic) purposes. But now I can rededicate myself to my own original purpose. ~Ralph Levy, “Hanukkah – Another View”
The whole piece is really extraordinary and, if you’d like, you can read it here. Right now, I don’t need a holiday about presents and pretty candles. I need a holiday about doing hard work and watching it pay off. Ralph Levy’s story gave me that in Hanukkah. I have spent the last several years cleaning up the shattered remains of my life and putting them back to a purposeful place. Now is the time for me to step back and watch my hard work glimmer in the lamplight. Hanukkah is about a battle that was hard-fought. How appropriate for my graduation to be during this holiday. I have fought. I have won. Now I sit back and watch HaShem shine.
Some sticky-notes I’m posting around contain the following:
- “Our deepest fear is not that we’re inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness that most frightens us.” –Marianne Williamson
- “Steadfast love and faithfulness will meet; righteousness and peace will kiss each other. Faithfulness will spring up from the ground, and righteousness will look down from the sky. The LORD will give what is good.” — Psalm 85:10-12
And You Shall Love 