As a people, Jews are known to wander. Whether by choice or by force, Jews are good at moving around. A wise friend of mine once stunned me when she said
“We [Jews] tells stories and are avid learners because the only thing we could dependably bring with us from place to place was our minds.”
It was a simple concept, but it definitively changed the way I look at my people. As I’ve gone through school, I’ve always prided myself on being smart. It was only in nursing school that I prided myself on my learning. I went from being someone who didn’t try but always managed to do pretty well, to someone who worked furiously to gobble up all of the knowledge I possibly could. I love learning. I’ve done a lot of learning in the last few years. I wondered in knowledge. However, I’ve lacked that next critical step, the wandering.
I’ve had a terrible case of wanderlust for the last few months. In this break between school and employment, I have no real excuse to stay put. But like so many of us, I’ve found reasons. Silly and vapid reasons.
Funnily enough, when I look at our parsha this week, Va’eira, that is exactly what’s happening to the Jewish people. You see, the HaShem tells Moses to stand up for the enslaved Israelites and tell the Pharaoh to release his people. Moses complains that the Israelites will not listen to him, that he has impeded speech, that the Pharaoh is too powerful, that his brother is a better leader…excuse after excuse. HaShem proceeds to lay out a number of miracles that finally persuade Pharaoh to let the Israelites go, while also convincing the Israelites that they should leave.
It’s crazy to consider that given what the Israelites were withstanding, some of them would fight to stay. It is hard to stand up and say “Enough is enough. I deserve peace and am going to seek it.” It takes a few more chapters and miracles for the Israelites to finally escape.
In the Torah, the case is clear: these people are being forced to be slaves and work in horrible conditions. As an oppressed people, we clearly cheer for their escape from their horrible lives. Our lives, are not always so straight forward.
The hebrew word for Egypt is mitzrayim. In contemporary society, mitzrayim has come to stand for prisons of all kinds. The first step to escaping your prison is recognizing it. Sometimes our prisons are our jobs where we feel under-appreciated and lack passion, sometimes is it a sick body that we poison with drugs and alcohol. Other times it is more mundane. Occasionally our prison is a prison of fear. That fear limits our ability to fulfill our potential in this world.
Fear of playing is just as dangerous as fear of working. I have developed a fear of playing. Terrified of failing some imaginary test of worth, I have relegated myself to lots of study. Study provides concrete results that you can post on walls and wear around your neck and little stars next to your name on graduation bulletins.
I have not dared to wander in a very long time. That’s not to say that the last few years have been bad or wrong. It’s just admitting that I have done a lot of preparation and very little implementation. I have learned how to be successful in a theoretical world. Now is my chance to rejoin the outside (non-nursing school) world and rekindle my dimensions. I am ready to play again. I am ready to wander.
By stepping outside of my comfort zone, as Moses did, as the Israelites did, I will gain so much. So what is my journey is to Chicago to see family and Miami to play? By purposefully making myself uncomfortable, I am putting to work all of those amazing gifts I’ve prepared the last few years. I am filling out the dimensions of myself and experiencing all of the wonders that HaShem has given us. How sad would I be to look back on my life and realize I never took the chance to do something just to DO it.
Life requires wonder and wander. Thoughts and action. Thinking and Doing. I am about to jump into action.
And You Shall Love 