Be KIND for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle
-Plato
Anyone who knows me probably recognizes that my faith system is a hybrid of personal jewish reflection and lots of therapy. Hence why my concept of God is wrapped up in my fellow humans.
At times, the two paths conflict and I am at a loss. I choose to faithfully believe in the good of everyone. I fully believe that we all carry that divine spark inside of us and if we allow ourselves, we can manifest that into works of good.
Sometimes, that faith gets me in trouble. As Jews, we are taught that gemilut chesed, “bestowal of loving kindness” is of utmost importance. Rabbi Rami M. Shapiro in his book emphasizes this in his book Minyan by quoting the Babylonian Talmud, Avodah Zarah :
One who engages in Torah study and does not involve himself in doing deeds of kindness is like one who has no God.
It seems common sense to me. What kind of Jew am I if I hide behind books and lofty words in lieu of actively engaging with the world in works of loving kindness.
This philosophy has guided many of my decisions in the last few years. My passion for nursing, my eagerness to build community here in Charlotte, my absolute adoration for my family, and my longing for companionship. I am hooked on gemilut chesed, and it usually feels very good.
Judaism places a high importance on giving without the intention of receiving. I’ve found that no matter how I try, I can’t help but receive when I give. The fellowship that I often blog about is abundant. When we were filled with divinity, like a glass vessel, we shattered because we were so full that we tried to give back. We innately give back to one another, with or without intention.
On occasion, my kindness is misinterpreted as weakness, naiveté, or plain foolishness. My heart is not always well-contained. My very wise grandmother has something to say about all of that. She has told me (more than a time or two):
You can never love someone too much, but you can love them unwisely.
I often love unwisely. I can’t help but become infatuated with the people in my life. Everyone is so fascinating to me. Our stories, choices, words, and behaviors amaze me. I come on hard and strong, and it’s a lot for many people. I can’t help it. The issue is that it takes a toll. Slowly, I start to abandon myself in search of being what others need me to be. It stops being about the giving and starts becoming more about the high I get while doing it. It’s that subconscious pat on the back I give myself.
This is when Judaism is tampered by therapy. Yes the intention behind selfless giving is a great one, but how good are we really to one another if we don’t care for ourselves first? If I’m constantly giving to others and neglecting myself, then I eventually wont have anything nice to offer.
In a society that often preys on our insecurities and shame, it’s hard to value self-care. We would all rather exhaust ourselves trying to seem like good and worthy people. The radical thing is that we are all worthy. right now. no matter what.
Acts of loving kindness must first be performed for oneself, or every act of loving kindness you perform will drain you. It will suffocate you. On airplanes, in case of emergency, you have to place the mask over your own face first, or you both end up suffocating.
It’s that simple. Yes, my Jewish-ness teaches me to perform gemilut chesed, acts where I expect no reciprocation…but my humanity teaches me that if I want to give to others, I have to practice a courageous amount of self-care. This is what protects us from neediness and loneliness. It’s what keeps us strong enough to give to others.
And You Shall Love 